"Do you have brass knuckles in this bag?"
As my lips started to form the word "no," a tiny internal alarm bell reminded me that this might be a trick question. To be clear, most days, I do not carry brass knuckles in my bag. And certainly, I didn't intend to have brass knuckles in my bag as I went through TSA for the first leg of my trip to Korea. But, in the strictest sense of the word, technically in that moment, my answer would have to be, um: "Yes, now that you mention it, I probably do."
My cousin Christine has been dealing with horrible arthritis this year, and her doctors have suggested that she might have knuckle replacement surgery. For all 20 knuckles. I didn't even know that was a thing. So, to be supportive, I went online to amazon, and ordered brass knuckles for her because I thought it would be funny.
That was three months ago.
The knuckles arrived at my office, and as it turns out, I'm someone who likes having brass knuckles on my desk. I find it keeps the tone peppy when people pop by. I really meant to send Chris the knuckles - it's just that, I'm the actual worst.
Two weeks ago, I left my job at Spitfire and tossed most of the contents of my desk into my trusty travel backpack. This morning while packing, I cleaned out old business cards, pens and other office stuff (namely glitter - because Spitfire has a glitter bombing culture, and my bag had been thoroughly sparkled before I left -- which wasn't winning me any points with the TSA guy as he tried to shake the glittery remnants of my bag from his rubber gloves while he bandied my brass knuckles about...it was kind of a great scene, except that his tone was decidedly not charmed). Anyway, I apparently forgot that in the itty-bitty front pouch of my bag, the brass knuckles were nestled in their warm cozy spot. Social blunder.
"Sir, are you aware that it's against the law to even have brass knuckles in the state of Virginia?" Um, I'm trying to get to my flight and don't really have a lot of time....
The TSA agent was actually phoning the police - The Fuzz! For me! - when his supervisor waved him off and said "actually, brass knuckles aren't a thing anymore." I kinda wanted to unpack that whole "not-a-thing" thing with the supervisor, but boarding was starting in five minutes, and I still didn't have a snack, plus the tram (Maybe Dulles is the actual worst, and I'm just a runner up?).
Officer Friendly ultimately confiscated the brass knuckles, which was a heart break because I really loved those things.
Also, Chris, if you're reading this, there's a package coming to you from Amazon some time this week. I don't want to give away any surprises, but, maybe you shouldn't travel with said package when it arrives.
And so it begins, Korean Summer Vacation 2015!
